


Just a little fond affection

by Anonymous



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Child Abuse, Feel free to tell me if you want something tagged, Gen, Grooming, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Insecure Tony Stark, Kid Tony Stark, M/M, Parent/Child Incest, Stockholm Syndrome, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony doesn't trust Jarvis anymore :((, Touch Starved Tony Stark, Will add tags as I go, child rape, unknowing enabler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2020-03-17
Packaged: 2021-01-16 18:57:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21276086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tony's been ignored by his parents for months now, until dad tells him that he needs to earn his loveorA series of snapshots following Tony struggling to deal with the abuse he suffers at the hands of his father





	1. Just a little fond affection

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know if you need anything else tagged
> 
> enjoy

Tony had been working on the engine for days, trying to make it better, to _ be _ better. But it didn’t work, when he’d painstakingly dragged it to Dad's workshop to show him how well it worked now, he wouldn’t even _ look _at him. Tony couldn’t help it. He stared at Dad’s back, trying to stop the tears rolling down his face, and he broke rule number one.

“Why won’t you pay attention to me!?” Dad turned around and Tony’s heart leaped into his throat, Dad was gonna hit him now, he’d never done it before but then Tony had never been so bad before—but it turned out he just needed to get something from another table. Tears of disappointment rolled down his face. He didn’t expect any different. Dad had been ignoring him for months, refusing to talk to him or touch him, and Mom copied his Dad. The only person who Tony had talked to in months was Jarvis, but it was un-pro-fesh-inal to touch him. Tony’s skin was sore, and he just wanted someone to _ hug _him.

Sniffling quietly as he could, he turned to leave, but then Dad’s voice froze him where he stood. 

“Because you aren’t asking for it properly.”

Tony looked around, but there wasn’t anyone else for Dad to talk to, he turned to Dad who was _ looking _ at him, leveling him with a gaze that made him feel like one of medusa’s statues from the greek myth book Jarvis read to him. He _ couldn’t _ mess this up. This was his first chance in a long while to fix whatever he did to make his parents hate him. Maybe if this went well, Mom would hug him again! He stood up straight and tried to speak clearly and un-annoyingly, as he could.

“Asking properly, sir?”

“Didn’t anyone tell you?” Tony shook his head, “right, I guess not, Jarvis has been getting more and more forgetful hasn’t he?” Tony had noticed no changes in Jarvis’ memory, but he nodded anyway, even if it felt like betraying Jarvis. Dad continued, “Well, when a boy gets to a certain age, he needs to earn the affection from his parents,” oh, that made sense. That was why his parents suddenly started to ignore him after his birthday, they didn’t hate him, he just wasn’t earning their love! He was so glad that there was an easy fix, soon enough, everything will go back to normal.

Dad was waiting patiently while Tony was grinning like an idiot. He needed to reply. “What can I do, sir?” He made a face at Tony’s childishness, and Tony thought that this was it, he blew it—but Dad was kind, and he gave Tony another chance. 

“Do you want an example?”

Tony nodded, trying not to show his excitement. He always learned better when he got to try things hands-on rather than just being told how to do it. Dad giving him an example meant that there was less chance of him messing up! He really did care about him.

Dad kneeled down, so that he was at Tony’s height, “giving children affection is very tiring, Anthony,” he gave Tony a look, “you especially,” Tony’s insides squirmed, Jarvis must think he was so selfish, demanding attention from him without earning it. He was so lucky to have Dad to guide him. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

Dad smiled at him, “don’t worry, that just means you have to work extra hard to get affection, but I know you can do it,” and then Dad leaned in and kissed him.

Tony stopped himself from jolting away in surprise just in time, though Dad must have felt him flinch. He’d never had a kiss like this before. Usually, they were just quick pecks on his forehead from mom, or wet kisses from old ladies at parties who wouldn’t let him say no. this kiss was like an old lady kiss, though they usually lasted a few seconds. Dad was still kissing him, moving his lips against his own. It made him feel… 

Before he could decide, Dad mumbled against his mouth, “Good boys kiss back.”

“Sorry,” Tony replied and tried to copy Dad’s motions as best as he could. He never had a man kiss him before, it felt weird. There was no lipstick getting stuck to his skin, and Dad’s moustache kept tickling his nose. He felt Dad’s tongue trying to get into his mouth, his first reaction would’ve been to gag and yank away from the kiss, tongues didn’t go into each other’s mouths, that was _ gross. _ But he really really wanted affection from his Dad, so he let Dad stick his tongue in his mouth even if it made his tummy go tight.

Tony tried not to gag at the taste of whiskey and closed his eyes. The rhythmic movement of their mouths together was kinda soothing, like being rocked to sleep, even if it was really gross.

Dad finally moved away, and Tony quickly wiped his mouth, “Okay,” Dad said, “so a kiss like that means you get this.” He pressed his hand against Tony’s cheek, and his face exploded in tingles. He whined and leaned into it, grabbing Dad’s hand to press it more firmly against his cheek. Everywhere that was touching Dad’s skin was tingling, and he didn’t want this moment to ever end.

Dad pulled his hand away and Tony whimpered, holding back tears, but he didn’t try to keep Dad’s hand there. That was all a kiss earned, apparently. 

“That was very good Anthony, you’re a natural at this.” Tony grinned at the rare piece of praise. It felt nice to know he was good at something. “So how it works, is that the more affection you want, the further you’ll have to go,” Tony nodded. That seemed reasonable. Tony did something he didn’t like, so he could get something his Dad didn’t enjoy doing, that was very fair and reasonable. “Is there anything that you want right now?”

“Um,” Tony blushed and looked away, he didn’t really want to do it again, but his hands and face was still tingling from when Dad touched him, and he needed _ more. _ “What do I have to do for a, um, a hug?”

Dad grinned, and he gestured Tony over to the couch. When they were both sitting down, Dad spread his legs and started rubbing in between them. There was a bulge there that Tony hadn’t noticed. “If you want a hug, you’re gonna have to get me off. Here.” He grabbed Tony’s hand and placed it on the bulge. It felt gross to touch him there, but Tony was just happy that he was being touched again. He looked up at Dad for guidance, and he started to press Tony’s hand into the bulge. “C’mon, massage it. You know what that is, right?” he pouted. Of _ course _ he knew what massaging meant, he wasn’t a _ baby. _ He squeezed the bulge and rocked his hand, but then Dad started groaning. Was he hurting him? Dad was praising him, so he guessed not. “Gnff- fuck- Tony you’re perfect. So good at this, aren’t you?” Dad groaned, glancing down at him. Tony beamed and massaged harder, but that led to Dad moaning loudly. That was _ definitely _ a pain sound.

“Sorry-” he started when Dad moved, thinking he was about to get pushed off the couch for his incompetence, but Dad just pulled his willy out of his pants. Tony stared. It was red and veiny and it didn’t look like it was a part of Dad’s body. What did he want Tony to do here?

“Oh, for God’s sake, look- just touch it.” Dad was angry and Tony quickly put his hand on it and started up the same motions as before. He was just starting to get into a rhythm when Dad snatched him by the wrist. “That was all right, Anthony, but when you’re directly touching my dick, you need to do it specially. Here, I’ll help you.” he let go of Tony’s wrist and prodded his fingers into Tony’s mouth. Tony blinked in surprise, and Dad grinned. “Suck on them like they’re your favourite lollipop.”

...okay, that wasn’t so bad, at least it wasn’t Dad’s tongue. He noticed that Dad’s fingers tasted like grease as he started to suck on them. “No, that’s not right. Slather them with your tongue, don’t just suck,” Tony obeyed, coating them with saliva, ”_yes, _ that’s good, close your eyes, and hold my wrist- _ yes,” _ Tony couldn’t see what was making Dad so excited, but he was happy that he was allowed to touch Dad’s wrists. He ran his fingers over them, trying to re-familiarise himself with Dad. Hairy, rough, with the slight stickiness that came with grease. He was so happy that Dad loved him again. That it was all down to a silly misunderstanding. Distantly, he felt Dad take out his fingers and replace them with his own, but Tony didn’t care because Dad was still letting him touch him.

When Dad grabbed his wet hand with his own spit-coated hand and placed it on-- what was the word he used?-- his dick, Tony opened his eyes. Tony’s hand was on Dad’s dick, almost hidden under his father’s larger hand, “wait- Anthony, get closer to me,” Tony gladly shuffled closer, but he made sure not to touch Dad. He didn’t earn it yet. “Wrap your hand around my cock- G_od, your hands are so small. _ All right, now move with me. Up and down,” Tony could see why Dad wanted Tony’s spit on their fingers. The wet made the slide much easier and made Dad moan and groan a lot. Dad didn’t want Tony to stop before, even when it looked like it had hurt, so they must be happy moans.

Even now that he knew Dad liked it, Tony still wanted for it to stop. It was weird. All the touches Dad did when Tony was earning affection felt like a taint. His cheek was still tingling, but his mouth felt hot, dirty. He wanted to have the good touches now. He squeezed Dad’s dick hoping to make him happier, but he just started to move Tony’s hand faster. It wasn’t fair. Tony understood that he had to do this if he wanted a hug, but it made him feel so _ gross. _ He wasn’t even doing any of the work; it was all Dad! But he still just wanted this to be done, and he didn’t know when that would be. Dad must really hate giving him affection if he was making Tony feel this way.

Tears started to drip down his face just as Dad let out his loudest moan yet, and his dick twitched and squirted white stuff out. Dad let go of his hand, and Tony used the opportunity to quickly wipe away his tears before Dad could see.

After panting for a while, Dad looked up at him and grinned. “Do you know what this stuff is?” He asked, scooping some up with his fingers. Tony shook his head. “It’s called cum, it’s tasty. Here, try it.” he held his fingers close to Tony’s face. He really _ didn’t _ want to eat the goop that came out of Dad’s dick, but he couldn’t cope with Dad ignoring him again. Shakily, he licked some into his mouth and gagged. It was warm and salty and he didn’t like it.

“Come on, eat it.” Tony shook his head, “_Anthony,” _ that was the you’re-in-trouble voice. Tentatively, Tony looked into Dad’s eyes. They were promising to lock Tony in the closet and throw away the key if he said no. He gulped and sucked the cum off Dad’s fingers. It was like the world’s worst porridge. Now that Dad's fingers were clean, well, as clean as they could be with Tony's saliva all over them, it must be over now. he'd done it, he'd earned his reward.

He closed his eyes, ready to feel his dad's arms around him, to make his useless body stop shaking, but instead he felt Dad's hand on the back of his head. He looked at Dad. "C'mon, you can't think that this is over, you still have to clean up your mess." But he thought he _had_ cleaned up his mess, but Dad was pushing him towards a couple of spots on his neck and chest where cum had landed. Tony licked and mouthed them off, under the guidance of Dad. The cum on his clothes took longer, since there were more of them. Dad kept putting his hand on tony's back and butt, trying to make Tony move all 'sexy'. It was tricky at first, until Dad told him to pretend he was a cat. Cats moved smoothly, and slowly, with their butts in the air. Being sexy was easier with that mental image.

The couch was the hardest, because he got hairs and stuff in his mouth that somehow made the cum taste worse, but dad made him swallow it anyway. Finally, it was over. Tony was slumped against the couch, suddenly bone-deep tired, listening to Dad shuffling as he tucked his dick back in his pants. There was a pause, and then Tony felt feather-light fingers stroking his hair. It wasn’t the pressure Tony craved, but he would take any affection he could get. Dad's fingers tightened in his hair, and pulled his head up to make him pay for it with a kiss, though it was shorter than last time. At least there wasn’t any tongue.

“Would you like your hug now?” he asked, and Tony nodded frantically. He couldn’t bite back a sob when Dad’s arms finally, _ finally _ wrapped around him and squeezed.

Everything wasn’t back to normal, but at least he wasn’t being ignored now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petition to throw Howard into a shredder


	2. away on a trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dad's been touching Tony for nearly a year now, and Tony is fine with it, he doesn't care. It's better than being ignored. But then dad leaves to search for Captain America like he does every year, and usually he doesn't mind all that much, but this time he both misses and dreads his return, and he doesn't know _why_. Surely dad will make it all better?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...hi. 
> 
> The long awaited sequel that literally nobody asked for but they got anyway! I'm thinking about making this a fully-fledged thing, following Tony all the way until Howard dies, and maybe a bit after that who knows ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ regardless, this fic will be all about the ever-changing fucked up landscape of Tony's mind and his relationship with his father. Sounds like fun!
> 
> i'm reposting the second chapter because I didn't feel like it worked and it didn't focus on the right things. so the start is the same, but everything else is a whole different story.

_His eyes were closed. Why were they closed? Was he asleep? It seemed like it, it was awfully hard to keep them open, he couldn’t really gauge what was in front of him. Something touched his face, soft and poisonous, and he forced his eyes open, struggling not to blink at the bright lights blinding him. _

_There was no one in front of him, no one for ages, but there was a crowd, all pointing at him and laughing. He was on a stage, he realised, naked and vulnerable for everyone to see._

_He desperately tried to jerk his arms down to cover himself– but they were stuck, they wouldn’t listen to him, no matter how hard he pulled at them. They were tied to a string being moved around as if he was a puppet. No, he _was _a puppet, someone was controlling him and he knew with a sickening certainty that it was his dad. Only dad could make him feel like this, vulnerable and alone and scared._

_“Aww is the baby gonna cry?” a voice called out, sounding horribly familiar to the boys who would chase him and beat him at boarding school. He peeled his eyes open again, and flinched when he realised that the audience were all men, and they all had their cocks out,red and hard. _

_They didn’t seem to mind, though, the faceless entities gleefully jerking themselves off. “No, he won't, he likes it! Look how hard he is!” his head jerked down, completely independent of him, and he was greeted with the sight of his cock, red and gross and _hard,_ so, so hard, why was he feeling like this? _

_There was something touching his thighs, but he couldn’t see what, the puppeteer even having control over his eyes, keeping them frozen on the head of his penis. They climbed up, tickling the backs of his lags and resting on his butt for a second, massaging it, deliberating. After a moment’s pause they moved again, over his hips and moving closer, and closer and closer–_

With a strangled gasp, he woke up, only to find himself completely alone in his room, not a person in sight. He sobbed, because his heart was still beating so fast and his tummy hurt and he was just desperate for some comfort, just a hug would do. He sniffled and forced himself to stop sobbing. Dad didn’t mind if he cried, but only when he did it prettily, and he had learned over the past year that sobbing did not qualify as pretty, and he wanted a hug.

It was already pretty late in the day, since Tony slept in because he was too scared of the nightmares he’d started getting to fall asleep. He hoped dad would be forgiving enough to be lenient with him as Tony asked for a hug. He thinks if dad let him close his eyes as he jerked him off, then he would do a good enough job.

Even though his tummy was hurting, he was sure a hug would help. He had already slid out from under his covers, and was already halfway across his room before he remembered. 

Right. Dad was on a business trip, looking for Captain America. Upset, he scolded himself a little for not being smart enough to remember simple facts like that, dad had always left to look for his friend when it got hot, since before Tony was born. He had been gone for _months_ already, he had no excuse to be so forgetful. He tightened his hands in his hair, and the pain grounded him, so he hit himself a few times, and he felt… not better, but his stomach did stop hurting as much.

It was just that dad leaving felt _different _this time, usually he was a little sad when he left, but ultimately, it didn’t really change anything in his routine. But ever since dad taught him how to ask for affection nearly a whole year ago, Tony _needed _him. Jarvis had always been there for him, although always physically distant, but ever since dad started touching him, Jarvis had started avoiding him. Everytime Tony tried to play with him he always told him to _go play with your father, master Anthony._

He didn’t even call him _Tony _anymore.

One day, when it was all too much, he cried to dad about it, and dad had hugged him, told him very sweetly that Jarvis knew Tony had finally learnt how to properly ask for affection, and he was pulling away because he was only paid to pretend to care about him, and he secretly hated Tony so much that even having sex will make Jarvis love him.

“Not even if he fucks me?” he had whispered, frozen into dad’s chest. Dad talked about fucking him a lot, but he never did because Tony was too small, but he knew that once he was bigger he would have to do it _all_ the time if he wanted dad to love him. Letting someone fuck him was the biggest thing he could give to someone, and if they didn’t want that, then Tony had nothing else to offer.

“Not even then,” dad had murmured, and he held Tony as he cried, even when Tony got too upset to cry prettily.

And then he made Tony pay him back by teaching him how to give a blowjob, but Tony didn’t do a good enough job since his mouth was too small, and he got really mad when it went too deep and he vomited everywhere. His wrist still hurts from the force dad twisted it.

The memory suddenly made him gag violently, and he rushed into his bathroom just in time for the bile to spill into the toilet bowl. He hadn’t felt like eating anything recently, always felt too nauseous for it.

Mom didn’t notice. Jarvis did, but Tony knew now that was because he was paid to, and the new knowledge made it very hard to want to listen to Jarvis whenever he tried to feed him. Mom didn’t even try, she just sat in her room all the time because of her headaches and sighed at walls. Tony thinks that if he tried to get affection from her she would do the bare minimum anyway, so she wasn’t really worth bothering with.

Without dad, there was no one to hug him, no one to kiss his sores away, he was utterly alone, and the only person he could rely on was himself. Still sniffling, because of the nightmare or vomiting, or the memories, or just because he missed dad, he hugged himself as hard as he could. It did nothing, and even though it had been weeks since he was last touched, the feeling of hands on his hips and his groin still didn’t go away, no matter how much Tony rubbed at them. 

He jumped as the door clicked open, and he turned to see Jarvis, standing at the doorway and looking at him with such concern that it almost made him melt.

Almost. It was all fake, Tony, don’t be stupid.

“Master Anthony, are you all right?”

He shrugged, reaching up to flush the toilet so Jarvis wouldn’t see how little he’d eaten. Jarvis sighed. “Do you know why you’re vomiting so early in the morning?” he shrugged again. Why would _he _care? 

“...Well, I'll give you a pill, and we’ll see if that helps any?”

shrug.

Jarvis sighed, and for a moment Tony thought that Jarvis was finally mad at him, but all he did was wave Tony over. “Come on then, don’t you think it’s time to start the day?”

Tony didn't answer, but he let Jarvis take off his pajamas and put on his clothes for the day, even though he was more than old enough to dress himself now. Dad had taught him not to protest what an adult wanted to do with his body, so he just savoured the little moments when Jarvis touched his skin, never lingering, or going anywhere bad. He guessed he should feel grateful, but all he could feel was his stomach hurting with the knowledge that someone he loved a lot, didn’t love him back.

Jarvis took him out of his room and down into the dining room, near the kitchen. Jarvis led him to a table, saying some words to him that Tony didn’t care to hear, but there was paper and some crayons on the table, so he guessed that was what Jarvis wanted him to do.

He selected a red crayon and drew himself as a robot. It felt fitting since dad seemed to think he was.

_“You’re just like a little machine. My machine,” dad’s rough lips were suddenly replaced with teeth, biting into his shoulder, making Tony yelp. “my greatest creation,” dad’s voice, husky and rough, was whispered in Tony’s ear. He squeezed his eyes shut and desperately wished he could sob._

The sudden memory made his hands shake too hard to continue, and he abandoned drawing his robot, getting another piece of paper and deciding to draw dad instead. If Tony was a robot, what would he be? A mad scientist?

He technically already was one, but Tony drew it anyway, giving him wild hair and crazy goggles, and even a lab coat.

His shaking still hadn’t subsided, so he pressed his hands against the wood, forcing them to be still. His stomach was hurting even more now, and he started to breathe deeply and slowly. It helped ride out the pain when dad did something that hurt, and after a few minutes, he removed his palms from the table, leaving behind sticky sweat. 

Still shaky, but not as bad as before. Suboptimal, if he really was a robot. Feeling a bit better now, he looked at his creations, and decided that he was okay with how they looked.

He reached for a third piece of paper and drew his characters together, in a pose that dad liked to have Tony in. with dad on his hands and knees over Tony, whose legs were forced wide apart by dad’s body, on either side of his legs. 

Usually dad was kissing him in this position, instead of the other way around, so he tried to make the mad scientist’s lips all puckered, except it didn’t look right, and no matter what Tony did, he couldn’t make it work.

Scowling a little, he started on the him–robot, drawing a little antenna on top of its square head, and after a brief internal debate on whether robots had emotions, he drew a square frown on the robot’s face, and oily tears.

After that, he was just adding unnecessary details, drawing the couch in dad’s lab where he liked to touch Tony, and the little bits of forgotten scraps of metal that were constantly scattered across his floor, no matter how much aunt Peggy scolded him for it whenever she visited.

So immersed in his drawing, when he felt his chair jolt suddenly, he jumped so hard he yelped, nearly falling off.

“Oh! It’s just me, master Anthony, I’m sorry for scaring you.” he blinked at him in surprise and nodded.

“Are you having fun?” he didn’t answer, loathe to admit he enjoyed something that Jarvis asked him to do. He was still upset.

After a pause, Jarvis swallowed, “and what’s that you're drawing?”

“A mad scientist and his robot,” he replied quietly, and Jarvis sighed from behind him, probably asking himself why he was even bothering with him, he got paid either way.

“What are their names?”

He shrugged. He wasn't very good at naming things “Dr Dad-stein, and Me-bot,” he decided.

“...I see. What are they doing?”

He opened his mouth to answer, but then someone came in. “Jarvis!” they both looked up to see one of the staff members approaching them as close as she could, the twirly wire on the phone not letting her move far from the wall. ”Mr Stark called, he’s on the plane back home.”

“Really? He usually stays until August.”

“I know, but he said he wants to spend more time with family. He’s only a few hours away.”

“Well!” Jarvis perked up, smiling, and Tony looked sullenly at his lap. He’d expected to feel happy at the news, but all his tummy did was clench and make his hands start to shake. 

He looked at the drawing and decided that he shouldn’t have drawn it, he jinxed it. He picked it up and the two other drawings and ripped them into little pieces, ignoring the fake gasp of horror from Jarvis.

“Anthony! You worked so hard on that! Didn’t you want to show your father?” he shook his head, the idea of dad seeing it made him shake even more, and before he knew it, he had already jumped off his table and ran into the closest bathroom, slamming the door behind him and choking on his breath.

he sat on the cold porcelain for a long while, trying to convince himself to breathe and only being mildly successful. Just glancing at the clock told him that he had been here for hours. Dad would be here at any time. The thought made another burst of pain appear in his gut, and even in his chest, but he ignored them both best he could. He was acting like a baby, he should be happy his dad was here. He would finally get affection again, like he wanted.

His face still screwed up to cry, though and nothing Tony did could make it stop, so he just settled for sobbing as quietly as he could. Time passed, and eventually, he felt more than heard two footsteps getting closer to him. He froze, not wanting to be caught crying like a baby.

“...He’s in here, Mister Stark, he’s been acting strangely all day, I think he has a stomach bug.” Jarvis’ voice came muffled through the door, and he couldn’t do anything but shake, so exhausted from being so tense.

“That’s unfortunate. Have you talked to him?”

“He won’t talk to me anymore, he’s completely turned away from me. I don’t know why.” Jarvis sounded kind of… sad, but Tony was probably imagining it.

“Let me talk to him,” the door opened –oh god why didn’t he lock it he should have locked it– and dad stepped through, closing the door behind him. Tony didn’t look at him and dad didn’t say anything, eventually, retreating footsteps told them that Jarvis was finally leaving.

He couldn’t take the silence anymore, Dad’s stare was a physical weight against his back, and he desperately closed his eyes for any sort of bid for calm. “I–I thought you weren’t gonna come back ‘til august?”

“I wasn’t, but I missed my boy.” Dad walked over to where Tony was kneeling, rubbing his back and making him hold back the urge to puke.

He was starting to breathe quickly again, his tummy hurting more than ever, and dad’s fingers tightened against his neck.

“Alright, alright, breathe in, okay? One, two, three…” it took him a while, which was unforgivable, he was supposed to always quickly obey dad’s orders– but he managed to suck in a deep breath, obeying when dad told him to breathe out for five seconds, after a little while, Tony’s breaths had stabilised, and he was breathing normally, albeit shakily.

“Now…” He froze, that was dad’s ‘about to be angry’ voice. “What the hell was that all about?”

He shrugged and shook his head, he didn’t know. 

“Don’t tell me you can’t handle it.”

He looked up, wiping the tears off of his face, “han–handle what?”

“_This._ What I’m doing to you.” As an example, he let his hand snake down, down, into Tony's pants, squeezing him over his underwear and making him whine. “Lots of kids’ parents do this, Tony, it’s how it works, but sometimes the kids are weak. They break apart, a lot like what you’re doing right now. And those kids?” he leaned in closer, his stubble scratching Tony's ear. “They get abandoned, forgotten. Nobody loves them.”

He stared in shock, before wildly shaking his head, tears falling off his face. “No! I’m not– I can handle it, I promise! Please don’t leave me!”

“Are you sure? Jarivs tells me you’ve been acting out since i’ve left.”

“I’m _sorry,”_ he sobbed, barely keeping himself from clinging. Dad hated it when he was clingy. “I didn’t mean to, I don't know _why_ I'm like this.”

Dad hummed, taking his hands out of Tony's pants, and wrapping an arm around his tummy, pulling Tony into his chest. “Maybe it’s because I was away for so long, do you think that’s why, baby?”

He nodded frantically, even though he really wasn’t sure. He _did _only start worrying about dad after he left, so maybe he was right, maybe he just had to get used to being touched again.

“Then I won’t leave anymore.” Dad said lightly, as if it was simple as that. As if he wasn’t abandoning his life’s work for–for _him_. Tony froze.

“R–really?” he whispered, scarcely believing it. Dad couldn’t really mean–he couldn’t–_really?_

“What’s some man who died thirty years ago compared to my boy? Now, give me a kiss, show me how grateful you are,” he nodded frantically, launching up to give dad a kiss so fast he almost hurt himself. He was shaking, but for a completely different reason than before. Dad _chose _him? Chose him over Captain America? Did dad..._love _him? It was so overwhelming, after being left behind for Captain America for all his life, suddenly being good enough for dad was too much, and once he started sobbing again, he couldn’t stop.

For once, dad didn’t care, instead he kissed the tears off Tony tenderly, which made him cry even harder because _dad loved him. _After a while he calmed down a bit, and dad decided that while they were here, they might as well get clean, even though Tony had a bath yesterday, and dad must’ve been tired from travelling from the arctic to america in a day.

He rubbed soapy hands over his body, and Tony ignored his stomach clenching at that, because no amount of sex Tony could give would pay dad back for the bestest gift anyone had given Tony in his life, not even when dad started wiggling a slippery finger up his butthole.

Even groaning and whimpering from the pain, he still loved his dad with everything he had, and for once, he knew that dad loved him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petition to throw Howard in a shredder _and_ send his remains to yuca mountain.


End file.
